


Projections

by RonniRotten



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Gen, Needles, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Stitches, Suicide Attempt, do not copy to other sites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21695164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten
Summary: Patton is fed up with himself, because of what he's seen about himself online. It takes a rag-tag trio to save him and help him understand reality vs fiction.this is a vent fic, and I'm working through my own bs via Patton. It is not intended to be a critique of the fandom at all.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 49





	Projections

Patton stood in the bathroom under the artificial light. The only part of his room that was free from clutter and the one place he could see himself as he truly was, the bathroom was the only place he could go where the memories couldn't reach him—except the ones at the top of his head.

_ Manipulative… _

_ Strict… _

_ Overbearing… _

_ Abusive… _

Tears streamed down his flushed cheeks as he thought about the recent surge of hate. He stared at the flushed yet pallid face in the mirror and shuddered as bile crept up his throat. He couldn't bring himself to fight the voices in his head, screaming at him. 

Did he split Creativity all those years ago? Was it his fault that Roman was insecure and that Remus was unhinged? He couldn't tell, they were all just toddlers. Even so, he knew he was to blame for the divide in the mindscape. No matter how hard he tried to lessen the impact, tried to see value in the gothic sides, tried to make amends slowly but surely, no matter what he was still to blame. 

_ Strict… _

_ Overbearing... _

He had been strict recently, he found that out the fun way. But at least it was Logan who said it, not the other side who knew early on. He wanted Thomas to be a good person and a good friend. He wanted to be there to guide Thomas, but he was so confused! Right and wrong shifted and he lost his footing. He should have said something, but no he buckled down and tried to force the morals he knew back into place. He hurt everyone with that decision, especially Thomas. He failed at his job.

_ Manipulative… _

He leaned over the sink, tightening his grip around the handle. Maybe this next step was just a new way to weasel some pity out of the others, a threat for attention. He overstepped his bounds in terms of influence and with his family. How did Roman forgive him for the guilt trips? Why would he? Because of morals. He manipulated everyone by existing. 

_ Abusive… _

Was he abusive? The theories and stories he read painted him as a monster. Was his own perception skewed so badly that he pretended to be a good guy while being the real villain?

"Patton, you messed up everything!" he growled at his reflection, "You fucked up so bad! It's time for Thomas to have a new, better morality!" He dried his eyes and pressed the blade to his wrist, pressing until red oozed from the wound. The joyful catharsis that filled him only grew stronger as he opened his arm. It was time. 

"Patton!" two familiar voices yelped. In an instant he was being held to one side's chest while the other took his box cutter. He squirmed in the tight grasp and fought with all his might. 

"Remus hold him still!" Deceit ordered as he conjured a suture kit.

"This is going to hurt. Bear with me." Deceit said flatly to Patton as he tied a tourniquet around his upper arm to stop the bleeding. Patton's eyes widened and he squirmed in Remus' grasp. They were not going to take this away from him! It was the only service he could provide for the mindscape and he would see it through!

"Hey!" Remus hissed when he was kicked in the shin. He shared a look with Deceit as if asking a question. Deceit nodded as he cleaned away the blood.

"Hey Pattycake you should skip the Crofter's in your next batch of cupcakes—ocular fluid would do a better job." 

"There won't be a next batch!" Patton wailed, "Let go!" 

"No? I was gonna offer you my eyes too!" Remus giggled. Deceit internally groaned at the duke's attempts and lifted a free hand while he threaded the needle. 

"Why the hell are you—?" Virgil grumbled low and peeked inside the bathroom door.

"PATTON!?" he shrieked upon seeing the fatherly side with blood oozing from his arm, clearly miserable—and not because Deceit was holding his arm still or because Remus had him pinned to his chest.

"Virgil, thank you for your  _ prompt _ arrival." Deceit hissed, "Be a dear and paralyze Morality with fear, he has to stop moving." Virgil swallowed thickly, and nodded. He was scared enough that only the slightest touch could freeze Patton in his tracks. 

He slunk in next to Deceit and pressed his trembling hand to Patton's throat, letting it become enveloped in black smoke. For a second, Patton hoped Virgil would choke him to death to finish the job. He was wrong. His muscles tightened and his breathing became shallow. 

"Oh dear," Deceit tsked, "I have to use quite a bit of grafting material. This could take some time. It will be as pleasant as Remus' fingers."

Remus shoved a surprisingly clean hand in his mouth and growled, "Bite." Patton did, and it was unpleasant.

"It's gonna be okay, Patt." Virgil breathed with tears welling in his eyes. Patton doubted that as the needle went through his vein. He screamed and bit down hard on Remus' hand. Virgil cringed at the muffled sound. Deceit blocked it out and continued his work, using all six hands to make sure everything was perfect.

"Did you do this to yourself, Patt?" Virgil asked, lip trembling. Patton's eyes watered and he averted his gaze. The sorrow and confusion were agony. He didn't deserve pity. 

"Yeah, with the sharp knife on the ground." Remus answered for him as he screamed. 

"Why?" 

"He believes he is only causing harm." Deceit grunted and carefully moved as swiftly as possible, "Unfortunately that is a lie and I was summoned." 

"And I showed up because he was having some fun ideas. And then I realized that they weren't just passing fancy and I got scared." Remus frowned. 

"So why didn't I get summoned when you were scared?" 

"I'm always scared! Have you heard the shit that comes out of my mouth?" Remus giggled awkwardly as a muffled "language" escaped Patton between screams. 

"Is there a way to numb him or knock him out?" Remus grunted when Patton's teeth broke through his skin. 

"I can," Virgil said, "But we need to lay him down." 

"Do it." Deceit ordered "And keep him down. Remus we're going to the lab, don't think about holding him like a baby when he's out cold." Patton shrieked and argued, his vision blurred with tears. Virgil moved his hand to the back of his neck...

And everything went black.

* * *

Patton blinked and glanced around the room. He was in the common area, but not his usual commons. The walls were too dark and the air was too cold. He could smell something tomatoey and delicious cooking in the next room, but his stomach was not interested. 

He tried to sit up, but he yelped and fell back against the couch. He lifted his arm and stared at the dark stitches running along the underside—that nightmare was real. He was so close! He couldn't even die right! 

"Morality!" Deceit gasped and hurried into the room. He was surprisingly without his hat and gloves. In fact he was dressed in black sweats and a yellow hoodie, not at all his usual attire.

"Deceit?" Patton groaned as he tried to sit up again, his head spinning. Deceit hurried over and gently pushed him back.

"No, stay right where you are. You lost a lot of blood and you need to rest." he said and sat on the edge of the seat, studying his face. 

"Why?" Patton breathed as two more sides entered the room without saying a word.

"Why did we save you?" Remus asked and shrugged, "Because we need you, Daddy—oh! Daddio!" He rubbed his shoulder where Virgil punched him and pouted.

"But Thomas could make a new, better Morality. A Morality who wasn't the scum of the Earth." 

"Pat, what are you talking about?" Virgil questioned and sat next to him on the ground.

"I'm bad. I caused a huge rift in the mindscape, I manipulate the people around me, I'm abusive and strict, and I—" 

"Abusive?" Remus questioned, "Since when?" 

"Since I caused you and Roman to split. Since I valued one twin over the other." 

"You did nothing of the sort. You couldn't have, if you could, Anxiety would be Fear and Vigilance, separately. I would be Self-Care and Deception, in the same way." Deceit scoffed, "Sides split themselves based on Thomas' development." 

"I'm the demonstration. Roman is the inspiration. He might not remember what the King planned but I do." Remus explained with a regal air the Patton never expected from him. 

"Too bad he was a kid with no foresight with no way of knowing that we'd be so different. He had no idea I would be plagued with intrusive thoughts, violent urges, and a nearly manic state of being that could cause the entire mindscape to implode, splattering side guts against collapsing walls." Remus continued, losing that dignified aura. Patton winced at the implications.

"Hey, Douche, zip it. Literally." Virgil hissed and shifted to his knees to run his fingers through Patton's hair, just enough to ease his tension.

"Patton, you aren't the only one who caused the rift. That was all Thomas as he was growing and learning. You're as much a product of that time as we are." Deceit sighed. 

"Besides you weren't the only one forcing the divide, Deceit and I are just as guilty." Virgil added.

"What gave you the idea it was all your fault? Who told you that you were abusive and manipulative?" Remus asked. Virgil shot him a look and Remus zippered his mouth shut, with a cartoonish zipper. 

"Well, I kept seeing all these theories and stories and—" Patton began.

"They're absolutely right, a character who they're projecting onto without all the information has to be exactly as they invision." Deceit droned sarcastically, cutting him off. 

"You can't please everyone, you have to focus on the people who matter most." Virgil said, "And those things that a bunch of strangers say aren't necessarily the truth. Take it from us." 

"But those things have to come from somewhere!" Patton sobbed, "And what if they're right?" 

"You can choose to believe me if you want," Deceit sighed, "You are not the exaggerated character in most stories—abusive, or stupid, or naive, or without bias. None of us are merely common tropes, despite the way the series is scripted. Sometimes people need a character to use as a stand-in." He averted his gaze an inhaled slowly.

"Deceit?" Patton whimpered. And that's when Remus unzipped his mouth. 

"They made him abusive, murderous, conniving, the scum of the earth, a victim of abuse, suicidal, a soft little baby, a skeezy flirt, and the villain only I could come up with, all after appearing one time!" Remus cheered. Deceit and Virgil glared at him but that didn't stop him.

"They like to make me an obsessive, out-of-control, homicidal maniac who wants Roman to suffer—I mean that's not entirely inaccurate, I have my moments with Princey and I can get pretty manic, but they don't know me! Some of them make me a deranged puppy, suffering from horrible thoughts and isolation. And don't get me started on the shit they put Virgil through!" 

"No! Not you too Virge!" Patton cried. Virgil zipped Remus' mouth shut again and sighed. 

"Pops, you know I'm not a soft little innocent baby. You know how I'm mean and judgemental and I make threats. There's fics and theories about me being abusive too and fics that make me out to be a shy timid softie. Fics that make me the villain to make these two look better. But you don't believe those, or anything about the rest of us that you haven't learned first hand." Virgil replied. 

"Yeah, you have a point there," Patton pouted, "but I can't come up with an outsider perspective for myself." 

"You rely too much on how others perceive you." Deceit hummed, "In both positive and negative lights. Take it from any of us, falling for the diverse opinions of strangers is harmful." 

"Especially when they're so varied." Virgil added. 

"mphhhhh hmmm mmmm mmmph!" Remus grumbled enthusiastically. Then paused to banish the zipper.

"We all get shit, but only the finest compost is allowed in." he chuckled, "Think you can sort out the critique to let your garden bloom?" 

"That was incredibly well thought out and positive." Patton commented all too soon.

"And then you'll have your choice of poisonous plants to play with and make the people in your way suffer an agonizing death!" 

"There it is." Virgil grunted.

"Well at least the first part was uplifting." Patton pouted.

"Indeed. And if you find it hard to sort out the truth from the projections, my door is open." Deceit said, offering a half smile, "I know how hard it is to let them have their catharsis and keep a sense of self." 

"For better or worse you have the three of us." Remus smiled, "The sly, the mad, and the stinky!"

"Pops, you have a whole lot more family than you think." Virgil added, and stood up,

"But right now I gotta go, teach Remus how to be you." 

"Why Remus?" Patton questioned.

"Deceit is busy." Remus shrugged, "Byeeee!!" Then he and Virgil sank out. Patton was confused but oddly comforted. Deceit was watching him with concern and a certain fondness. 

"After all I did to you, why did you come running?" Patton questioned and tried to sit up, "Why not get Roman and Logan?"

"Neither of them are quite equipped to handle that situation, not when Roman would blame himself and doubt his capability as a prince, and certainly not Logan, who's been bottling his feelings for far too long, seeing you like that would break him." 

"But what about you and the other two?" 

"Fight-or-flight is an instinctual protection, I am self-preservation, and Remus is a far more hands-on creativity, thinking on the fly and worming his way out of danger as quickly as he finds it," Deceit answered, "We shadowlings are here to protect Thomas, all of him, as prevention and damage control. We care about all of him, even if we don't see eye to eye." 

"But Princey and Lo care about him." 

"Despite his insistence on being a heroic knight, Roman is not a form of protection. Logic is can provide some insight, but overall he is a guide, the three of you are." 

"You have it all figured out." Patton pouted. Deceit shook his head and returned that pout in earnest. 

"I don't." he sighed, "I'm not going to pretend that I do, unlike a certain educator. But I do know one thing for certain." 

"What's that?"

"Thomas needs all of us, especially his emotions and morals. He needs you, Patton, no matter what anyone says." 

"How do I know you aren't lying?" 

"Actions speak louder than words. Who was it who stitched you up and made pasta for you?" 

"You made pasta?" 

"With your secret ingredient." Deceit chuckled.

"Cumin." Patton said with a knowing grin.

"Yes." Deceit responded, flashing a snakey fang.


End file.
